I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
