Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
