Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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