i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
