How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
