This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
