New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
