Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
