If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
