tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
