I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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