I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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