i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
