So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Two words: blizzard sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
