It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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