I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
