Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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