So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
soo... how was my night?
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