You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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