I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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