Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
