I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
