I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
