I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
