I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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