plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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