Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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