i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
