White coat. Heels.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
