I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
