there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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