I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
