did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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