ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
