i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
