It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
