I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
