Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize