I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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