I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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