I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
