She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
