Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
