Don't you send me to vm
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
