So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
