i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
