can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
