they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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