I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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