I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
