My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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