Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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