Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
