I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
