It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
