You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
