I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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