she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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