My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
