I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
