Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
