Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
