Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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