Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
