Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
