Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
