Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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