I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
