I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
