My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
