Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
