shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
