is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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