So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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