i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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