i don't like sucking hair
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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