Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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